1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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