Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
