So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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