I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I need to stop coming to work sober
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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