he puts the penis in happiness.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
