Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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