so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Enjoy the penises
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
