CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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