its not stalking. its research.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
