what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just invented taco cereal.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
