I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
