glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
