I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina is very pro this idea
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