Tell her she can't have a vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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