On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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