do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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