my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
