i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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