She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
