I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
