i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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