i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
