In the future we'll all be gay
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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