So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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