well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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