remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
