So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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