Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
