and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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