New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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