I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
