Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
