can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
