the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
