I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
