Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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