I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I only lived at night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
