Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I want to be your penis for a week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
