doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
