Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I supernannyed him into submission
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
