Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
