somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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