I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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