Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
