this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Text me some of your sweat
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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