So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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