Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
