my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
