I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
