no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
