He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
