he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
