My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
